The Irony of "A Gentleman Doesn't Kiss and Tell" & Why Geeks Are the True Gentlemen

It occured to me in the shower (we all do our best thinking there) that many a self-proclaimed "gentleman" is an utter liar.**

It turns out that there's a lot of irony when someone says "a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

You see, when a guy is with his friends after a date, he'll often be pestered with details about the night. And you'll see a lot of guys (faux-)coyly respond, "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." And almost 100% of the time, his friends will infer from this that he really did kiss the girl. So this reveals one of two things about the guy:

  1. Either he honestly kissed the girl, then later implied that he did, and therefore is not a gentleman by his own definition of a "gentleman doesn't tell"
  2. Or he didn't kiss the girl, then later implied the he did, and therefore is not a gentleman by the rule that gentlemen should live up to their failures and are not sleezebags.

Whichever of these two is true about the guy who claims "a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," one thing remains constant - the guy saying it is not a gentleman.


BUT... there is a way around this. The answer is to be a geek. Here's why:

You can respond to your friends asking you about your date simply by saying something like, "A geek never gets any." By doing so, you (my friend) are a true gentleman. Because by saying something like that, you are also revealing one of two things about yourself:

  1. Either you honestly didn't kiss the girl, and therefore are a gentleman because you were honest about "failure" and lived up to it
  2. Or you actually kissed the girl, and by saying that you didn't, you didn't "kiss and tell" and protected the girl. Well done sir, you are the gentleman.

Whichever of these two is true about this geek, he is the real gentleman here.


Now obviously there are some holes in what I'm saying. For instance I'm slightly hypocritical when I talk about gentlemen lying/being-honest. In the first example, I mention that the guy should be honest about failures, and in the second example I mention that the guy should lie to protect the girl's privacy. The key here, I think, is that certain lies are OK if there is a good purpose behind it (this debate calls for a whole other blog post). The other possible holes are mainly just what I claim to be the values of a true gentlman. Also debatable. Let me know what you think in the comments.


**I didn't know this before (and it still sounds a bit awkward), but "many a" is singular...

1 response
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